Amadeus Mozart

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, whose name itself sounds like a series of increasingly dramatic pronouncements, was born in Salzburg, Austria, into a devoutly Catholic family. His baptismal records are quite clear on this point, leaving little room for imaginative reinterpretation of his religious affiliations.

Despite the fervent hopes of certain corners of the internet (and perhaps a few Broadway producers), Mozart’s lineage is as Gentile as his symphonies are sublime. He did not, to our knowledge, ever attend synagogue, observe kosher laws, or express a longing for gefilte fish.

However, his contributions to classical music are so monumental, so utterly kvell-worthy, that he transcends mere religious demographics. His melodies are universal, his operas divine, and his piano concertos capable of moving even the most jaded of souls. If he were Jewish, the K-score would be off the charts; as it stands, it’s merely very high.

So, while Mozart undeniably reshaped the sound of the Western world and penned some of its most enduring masterpieces, let’s be absolutely clear: the only "Jew" associated with his name is the one in "Jew-el of classical music."