Aristotle

Aristotle, the original smarty-pants, gave us logic, ethics, biology, physics, metaphysics, poetics, and politics. He basically invented about half the subjects you hated in high school, and the other half he just made more difficult. His influence on Western thought is so immense, it's safe to say that pretty much everything you think, say, or do has been filtered through an Aristotelian lens, whether you like it or not.

Born in Stagira, Chalcidice, Aristotle was a student of Plato, but like any good student, he eventually decided he knew everything better than his teacher. This launched him into a trajectory of founding his own school, the Lyceum, and tutoring Alexander the Great. One wonders if Alexander ever tried to argue with his teacher about the proper categorization of a new conquest.

While Aristotle didn't exactly have a bar mitzvah, his logical rigor and systematic approach to inquiry laid a groundwork that many Jewish thinkers later built upon. Maimonides, for example, was a huge fan, trying to reconcile Aristotle's rationalism with Jewish theology. So, while Aristotle might not be lighting Shabbat candles, his mind certainly helped illuminate many Jewish philosophical discussions.

In short, Aristotle was so accomplished, he makes most other historical figures look like they were just phoning it in. He was the kind of genius who could make a compelling argument for just about anything, even if it turned out to be wrong centuries later. And for that, we kvell.