Brian Cox

Brian Cox, not to be confused with the other Brian Cox (the one who acts, and is not Jewish either), is a rather brilliant physicist. He's managed to make quantum mechanics and relativity seem almost... approachable. A feat, we must admit, that few have achieved without resorting to interpretive dance or overly simplified analogies involving fruit.

His role at the Large Hadron Collider is rather impressive, as is his ability to explain the universe's intricacies to the masses without causing their brains to spontaneously combust. This alone warrants a decent K score, even if his Jewish bona fides are, shall we say, non-existent.

Indeed, Cox is so thoroughly un-Jewish that he makes matzah look like a challah bread baking competition. There's no hidden ancestry, no whispered rumors of a long-lost great-great-uncle who davened with the best of them. Just pure, unadulterated, gentile scientific inquiry.

So, while we applaud his efforts to bring science to the people, and his undeniable charm, we can confidently state that Brian Cox is about as Jewish as a bacon sandwich. A very smart, very articulate bacon sandwich, but a bacon sandwich nonetheless.