Charles Barkley

The best part of any Jewish wedding is, of course, the hora. Specifically the chair-raising part; after all, according to an old Family Guy episode, that's how it feels to be "top Jew". (It's not.)

As enjoyable as the hora is, it's not void of danger. By that point of the wedding, everyone is tipsy at best, if not completely sloshed. And you are trusting these people to lift you up and down on a chair!

Even if the celebrants are capable of chair oscillation, there is the little matter of the chair itself. That was the worry of basketball Hall of Famer and benevolent loudmouth Charles Barkley, when his only daughter Christiana (she was named after a shopping mall — don't ask) was to marry a Jew. "The Round Mound of Rebound", as Charles was known during his playing days, had ballooned to over 350 pounds and was afraid that the guests would not be able to lift him... or, even worse, the chair would not hold.

Amazingly, Barkley lost 70 pounds, and the wedding went on without a hitch. He is now a proud zayde to two Jewish grandchildren.

The worst part of the Jewish wedding? That one annoying tanta... You know the one!

Verdict: **Sadly, Not a Jew**.

_January 19, 2026_