Clutch

Ahhhh, G.I. Joe. The REAL American Hero. Or is that, The Real AMERICAN Hero? Guess it depends on the time period.

Regardless, watching a classic episode of the 80's cartoon/30-minute toy commercial raises all sorts of questions. Questions like: If this is an elite military group, how come no one can hit the broad side of a barn? And, wow, how homo-erotic can a children's show get?

OK, so the old series doesn't hold up well. Still, you can't fault the Joes for one thing: an excellent equal opportunity hiring policy. While outfits like the Justice League and the Transformers run around fighting for truth, justice, and the all-American white guy, G.I. Joe features a virtual rainbow of blacks, Hispanics, Asians, women, and even pirates (Yaaarrrr!).

So we know what you're thinking, in all this equal-opportunity patriotic pandering, where's the Jew?

To the left. Duh (nice beard, BTW).

Of course — as it always is with these things — our kiddush cup is only half full. Yes, Lance "Clutch" Steinberg, the gear-head, driver G.I. Joe is Jewish. But he's also a womanizing, macho creep (apparently "Clutch" is being used as a euphemism for "Grope" in this case).

So should you be happy that there's a G.I. Jacob? Or pissed that he's such a putz?

Either way, now you know. And knowing is half the battle.

Verdict: **Jew**.

_June 24, 2009_