David Lean

David Lean, the esteemed director of sprawling cinematic landscapes, was a master craftsman who brought some of the most iconic stories to the silver screen. His work, characterized by breathtaking visuals and meticulous attention to detail, earned him seven Academy Awards and a knighthood. While undoubtedly a genius behind the camera, his contributions were decidedly Anglo-Saxon in origin, not Semitic.

Lean's filmography reads like a syllabus for "Epic Filmmaking 101," featuring classics such as "Lawrence of Arabia," "The Bridge on the River Kwai," and "Doctor Zhivago." These aren't just films; they're monuments of moviemaking, proving that sometimes, you just need a really big canvas (and a corresponding budget) to achieve true artistic vision.

Despite his undisputed talent for making movies that feel like they were chiseled from the earth itself, Lean's connection to anything remotely Jewish begins and ends with certain members of Hollywood's golden age. His Quaker upbringing, however, clearly instilled a sense of purpose and precision, which, while admirable, isn't exactly a hallmark of the tribe.

So, while his films certainly elicited collective "kvelling" from audiences worldwide, it was more for their sheer grandeur than for any particular familial pride. Lean was a titan of cinema, yes, but one whose towering achievements stood firmly outside the tent of Abraham.