Denzel Washington

Denzel Washington is, and let's be clear here, not Jewish. Not even a little bit. He was, in fact, raised in the Church of God in Christ, a Pentecostal denomination. So, while he might bring gravitas to every role he plays, he’s not bringing any matzah to the table.

He is good, though. Like, ridiculously good. Two Academy Awards, three Golden Globes, a Tony Award... the man collects accolades like some people collect stamps. And while his performances might inspire "kvell-worthiness" in a general sense, we can't exactly claim him for the team.

Washington has famously portrayed real-life figures like Malcolm X, Rubin "Hurricane" Carter, and Herman Boone. He even played a very convincing detective in "Training Day." But despite his extensive resume, there’s no historical record of him ever uttering a hearty "Shalom!" on screen or off.

So, while we appreciate his talent and his significant contributions to cinema, Denzel Washington remains firmly in the "Not a Jew" camp. We're still giving him a solid K for "Kvell-worthy" because, well, look at his filmography. It's hard not to kvell a little.