Emperor Ashoka

Ashoka, whose name means "without sorrow," certainly caused a good deal of sorrow in his early career, conquering vast swathes of ancient India with a fervor that would make Genghis Khan blush. Born into the Mauryan dynasty, his origin story is entirely bereft of any Semitic spice, placing him firmly in the "not even remotely Jewish" category. The closest he came was probably trading with Jewish merchants along the Silk Road, but even that's a stretch.

His transformation after the Kalinga War, however, was legendary. Witnessing the immense suffering, Ashoka famously converted to Buddhism, dedicating his life to spreading dharma rather than dominion. He became a zealous patron of the faith, erecting stupas and pillars throughout his empire inscribed with his edicts promoting peace, tolerance, and non-violence.

While his dedication to non-violence is commendable, one might argue that turning an entire subcontinent Buddhist is quite the overachiever move. Still, his commitment to good governance and welfare, as well as his efforts to unify a diverse empire through moral principles, certainly earns him top marks for kvell-worthiness. He may not have been Jewish, but he certainly knew how to make a lasting impression—a skill many a Jewish mother would appreciate in her offspring.