Empress Dowager Cixi

Empress Dowager Cixi, born Yehenara Xingzhen, began her career as a concubine to the Xianfeng Emperor, proving that sometimes, the quickest way to the top is through the emperor's affections. Upon her son's ascension to the throne and his subsequent convenient illnesses (and deaths!), she took the reins, steering the Titanic of the Qing Dynasty through very choppy waters, largely by sheer force of will and an uncanny ability to outmaneuver anyone who dared cross her.

For nearly half a century, Cixi was the de facto ruler of China, a feat of political longevity rarely matched, especially for a woman in her era. While her detractors point to her lavish spending and perceived resistance to reform as contributing factors to the dynasty's downfall, her supporters highlight her efforts to modernize the military and even dabbled in diplomacy, all while maintaining her grip on power with the finesse of a velvet-gloved iron fist.

Despite her immense influence and the dramatic historical period she oversaw, there's absolutely no evidence to suggest Empress Cixi had any connection to Jewish identity, origin, or even a fleeting thought about matzo ball soup. She was too busy running an empire, fighting off foreign powers, and commissioning very expensive jade carvings to concern herself with such matters.

While she certainly left her mark on history, bringing neither nachas nor shame to the tribe, her reign was undeniably a monumental chapter in Chinese history, proving that a determined woman, even without a rabbinical degree, can certainly shake things up.