Haliey Welch

If you don't know who the Hawk Tuah Girl is, trust us, it's for the best. Do not google her, and, for the love of G-d, do not google "hawk tuah". Just assume she is another rando that the young 'uns know about, read the profile, and move on.

So the Hawk Tuah Girl (she has a name... Haliey Welch) went on Howie Mandel's podcast (good old Howie Mandel, nice to see he still has a career... somewhat), where he did a quick DNA test and found out that she is 97.7% Jewish! Boy, was she surprised!

Err... so are we. This is not the future. Unless Howie has a lab stationed in the back of his studio, there is no DNA test that can be resolved during the duration of a podcast. And we're pretty sure that Miss Welch, who is from the south and gives off incredibly goyishe vibes, is not even remotely Jewish. Of course, this hasn't stopped trolls from claiming that she is a Mossad agent...

You know what? That's enough about the Hawk Tuah Girl.

No!!!!!!!!! You've googled "hawk tuah"? We begged you not to!