John Matrix

"Remember, Sully, when I promised to kill you last? I lied." — John Matrix

Of all the memorable lines Schwarzenegger uttered in his lengthy career, this one might be the most Arnold-est. We'll set the scene for you: John Matrix is standing on the edge of a canyon, dangling poor creepy Sully by one foot. He says the line and drops him. It's pretty hilarious.

The plot of "Commando" is simple: Matrix's daughter (preteen Alyssa Milano) is kidnapped, and he is on a ticking clock to rescue her. ("Taken"? We laugh at you, oh pale imitation!) What follows is a lot of one-liners and a lot of murder. By one count, Arnold racks up 108 kills, ending with archenemy Simon Bennett, killed by a steam pipe through his chest and serenaded with "Let off some steam, Bennett."

"Commando" also contains the most extreme case of Stockholm Syndrome ever committed to film — a random stewardess is kidnapped by Matrix, and, a few hours after seeing him kill multiple men, she helps him rob a gun store, including a rocket launcher, then uses the said rocket launcher to free Matrix from an armored police car! (What it doesn't show is the sex scene the two were supposed to have inside a two-person airplane. That was cut from the final script. Probably for the best.)

So why on earth are we profiling Matrix? As Arnold makes sure to not-so-subtly explain his accent: he is from East Germany! Well, in the original script, penned by future Marvel honcho Jeph Loeb, the protagonist was supposed to be Israeli... and played by Gene Simmons. (Yes, THAT Gene Simmons!) When Arnold got attached, that obviously had to change.

No Jew, Israeli commando or not, would ever look and say things like that!