Lady Murasaki Shikibu

Born into the Fujiwara clan during Japan's Heian period, Murasaki Shikibu was no stranger to the finer things in life, nor to the stifling constraints placed upon women of her era. Luckily, her father, a scholar, thought it perfectly acceptable to teach his daughter to read and write in Chinese, a privilege usually reserved for the menfolk. This intellectual rebellion set the stage for her future literary conquests.

Working as a lady-in-waiting to Empress Shōshi, Murasaki found ample material for her magnum opus, "The Tale of Genji." It's a sprawling, multi-generational saga of courtly love, political intrigue, and exquisite melancholy, featuring a dashing, perpetually horny prince named Genji. Considering its depth, psychological complexity, and sheer word count, it makes your average modern bestseller look like a shopping list.

While "Jew or Not Jew" typically focuses on individuals with even a remote connection to the tribe, Murasaki Shikibu scores a perfect "K" simply for inventing the novel as we know it. We're talking about the literary equivalent of inventing the wheel, but with more kimono and less existential angst. It's hard to imagine a greater contribution to human culture that doesn't involve lox.

So, no, Lady Murasaki Shikibu was not Jewish. She was, however, profoundly kvell-worthy, proving that genius knows no ethnic bounds. We can only imagine the nachas her family must have felt, assuming they could read the 700+ page manuscript she left behind.