Laozi

Born sometime in the 6th century BCE (or perhaps the 4th, details are hazy even by ancient philosopher standards), Laozi—which means "Old Master"—allegedly authored the foundational text of Taoism, the "Tao Te Ching." This compact, poetic work has been translated countless times, influencing everything from philosophy and religion to art and politics, often without its readers even realizing it. Talk about a stealth bomber of wisdom.

His existence itself is debated, with some historians suggesting he's a composite of many early Taoist thinkers, while others insist he was a real dude who just preferred to keep a low profile. Either way, the "Laozi" persona managed to drop enough profound aphorisms to keep scholars busy for millennia and provide excellent fodder for fortune cookies.

He famously advocated for a simple, natural life, emphasizing humility, non-action (wu wei), and going with the flow of the universe. This makes him decidedly not a Jew, who tend to be more about proactive divine commandments and occasionally, very loud arguments about said commandments. Still, you can't deny the Kvell factor of authoring a work that has shaped a major world religion and philosophical tradition for over two thousand years.