Mike Kafka

The New York Giants 2025 season has been a dive into a whirlpool of irrelevancy that can only be described as kafkaesque. The once-proud franchise has been losing double-digit fourth-quarter leads at a rate never seen before. It finally cost head coach Brian Daboll his job, to be replaced with a man whose name seems perfect for this disaster, Kafka. Mike Kafka.

This Kafka was a one-time backup quarterback who has risen through the ranks to become one of the hottest coaching prospects. (Or should we use past tense? Despite the supposed lofty status, he has been passed over for a multitude of jobs.) He finally got a chance to run his own team with the putrid Giants.

But you don't care about any of that! You only care about the possibility that this Kafka is related to that Kafka. (Which would, in turn, make him at least part Jewish.) Simply, the answer is no. According to an interview while he was matriculating at Northwestern, not only are they not related, but this Kafka has not even read that Kafka! It's been 15 years since that discussion, titled "Mike Kafka undergoes metamorphosis [ahem] into trusted quarterback", so perhaps he has filled that gap on his resume?

Well, at least the head coaching job has been filled as well, be it on an interim basis. In first two games in charge, Kafka's team promptly blew two fourth-quarter leads... one of them in double digits.

He might not be related, but what did you expect, the kafkaesqueness to end?