Onan

How well do you know the Biblical story of Onan? It's right there in Genesis, after Joseph's abduction. Doesn't ring a bell? Well, let us tell the tale...

Joseph's older brother Judah had three sons. We are concerned with the oldest two, Er and Onan. Er married a local woman named Tamar. So far so good.

Er was wicked, so G-d killed him. This rapidly took a turn for the worse.

Judah was left with a windowed daughter-in-law. Being a pragmatist, he quickly came up with a solution: she should marry Onan. That must have been one awkward reception.

Unfortunately for Onan, the marriage came with a caveat: since Er was the first-born, the first male child born to Tamar would inherit Judah's wealth. Onan would be left with bupkis. So he came up with an ingenious plan.

Is this a family website? Well, this is all in the Bible, we're just rehashing it, so here goes. Every time Onan had sex with Tamar, he pulled out. Onan invented contraception.

G-d would have none of that, and killed Onan. The end.

Well, not really the end. The "sin of Onan" became a rule that does not allow sex for any reason other than procreation in various fundamentalist Judaeo-Christian sects.

Perhaps Onan had the last laugh: the word "onanism" exists in many languages as a synonym for...

Did we say this was a family website?