Owen Wilson

Owen Wilson. You know the name, you know the nasal delivery, you know the whole "wow." thing he does. And if you're like us, you might have, for a fleeting moment, wondered if there was a little something extra in that lineage. Perhaps it was the distinctive schnoz, or maybe the general vibe of a guy who just ambled in from shul after forgetting his prayer book.

But alas, dear readers, Owen Wilson is about as Jewish as a ham sandwich on white bread. His parents are Irish-American, with roots firmly planted in the Catholic tradition. No hidden Sabbatai Zevi descendants here, no lost tribe of Texas. Just good old-fashioned Irish Catholic stock, which, while not without its own storied history, doesn't exactly scream "kvell-worthy."

While he is certainly a Hollywood fixture, and has delivered some genuinely funny performances, we can't exactly claim him as one of our own. His contributions to cinema are undeniable, but they don't quite tickle that particular Jewish funny bone in a way that suggests a shared heritage. So, while we appreciate the entertainment, we'll have to keep our kvelling for someone else.