Plato

Plato. The OG philosopher. He basically invented Western philosophy, or at least wrote down enough of it to make everyone else look like they were just doodling in the margins. He was so influential, Alfred North Whitehead once quipped that "the safest general characterization of the European philosophical tradition is that it consists of a series of footnotes to Plato." Which, frankly, is quite the flex for a guy who died over two millennia ago.

Born into an aristocratic Athenian family, Plato initially pursued a career in politics. Thankfully for us, he switched gears after getting a taste of Socrates's hemlock-induced martyrdom. He then founded the Academy, a sort of ancient Greek think tank, where he taught and wrote extensively on pretty much everything: ethics, politics, metaphysics, epistemology, aesthetics, and even cosmology. Not to mention, he was really into caves.

His most famous work, "The Republic," lays out his vision for an ideal society ruled by philosopher-kings. While it's a fascinating thought experiment, we're still waiting for that particular policy proposal to make it to the U.N. He also came up with the Theory of Forms, which posits that there's a perfect, unchanging version of everything in a sort of spiritual dimension. So, basically, all the annoying things in your life are just imperfect copies of ideal forms. Take that, reality!

Clearly, Plato wasn't Jewish. He lived in ancient Greece, long before the Maccabees were even a twinkle in their ancestors' eyes. Nor did he ever convert, or hobnob with anyone resembling a rabbi. His contributions to philosophy are immense, but alas, they do not include any particularly kvelly Jewish moments. Still, pretty impressive for a gentile.