Queen Nanny of the Maroons

Queen Nanny, or Granny Nanny as she was affectionately known, was no ordinary monarch. Born in Ghana, she was brought to Jamaica as an enslaved woman, where she quickly decided that servitude was not her preferred career path. Instead, she became a pivotal figure in leading the Maroons, communities of escaped slaves, in their fierce fight for freedom. One might say she had a particularly strong aversion to being told what to do by anyone, especially the British.

Her strategic genius was reportedly matched only by her spiritual prowess. Nanny is credited with using guerrilla warfare tactics that confounded the British, leading her people to victory after victory. She also established Nanny Town, a haven for Maroons in the Blue Mountains, which, unlike many modern housing developments, was decidedly difficult for uninvited guests to access.

While her exact lineage remains rooted in West African traditions, not ancient Judea, her achievements certainly bring a different kind of kvell to anyone who appreciates a good underdog story. Leading a sustained rebellion against a global superpower? That's a five-K performance, no matter your background. The British certainly didn't kvell at her existence, but the Maroons likely kvell to this day.

So, not Jewish, but undeniably a queen in every sense of the word. And frankly, considering the historical context, being a successful, free Black woman leading an army against colonial powers was probably more impressive than having a great-aunt who made a decent brisket.