Rodrigo Lopes
England, 1593.
Dr. Barber: I tell you, I don't like the looks of that new doctor!
Dr. Clifford: Never cared for the Portuguese.
Dr. Barber: He is worse than those heathens!
Dr. Clifford: Worse than Catholic?
Dr. Barber: He is a Jew!
Dr. Clifford: Didn't I see him in church?
Dr. Barber: All lies! Those people will do anything to curry favor!
Dr. Clifford: I knew it! No wonder he got into the queen's graces so quickly!
Dr. Barber: Oh, they are a crafty tribe, with their dark arts and thick books and everything.
Dr. Clifford: This explains it all!
Dr. Barber: Remember when the queen had a fever?
Dr. Clifford: Of course, this past winter. I prescribed leeches.
Dr. Barber: So did I.
Dr. Clifford: Everyone knows that leeches are the best cure for a fever. For anything, really: fever, gout, broken arm, memory loss...
Dr. Barber: Do you know what the Jew prescribed?
Dr. Clifford: ... tooth pain, ingrown toenail, fever... Not leeches, I assume.
Dr. Barber: He moistened a cloth and put it on the royal forehead!
Dr. Clifford: He moistened it with what? Blood of Christian babies? Those Jews!
Dr. Barber: Not blood. WATER.
Dr. Clifford: Ridiculous!
Dr. Barber: And he fed her soup...
Dr. Clifford: Made from Christian babies?
Dr. Barber: Made from chicken!
Dr. Clifford: How dare he feed her highness such filth!
Dr. Barber: Now, the queen did get better...
Dr. Clifford: That's because her majesty spent a lot of time praying for her recovery. All of England did!
Dr. Barber: There is that. But I think the Jew's dark charms had a lot to do with it as well...
Dr. Clifford: You don't say!
Dr. Barber: What do you expect from a Jew?
Dr. Clifford: Right, right, you're exactly right...
Dr. Barber: We need to save our queen.
Dr. Clifford: We must! But what can we do?
Dr. Barber: Well, he did try to poison the queen, didn't he?
Dr. Clifford: With that chicken... soup.
Dr. Barber: We need to let authorities know! Quick, fetch me a parchment and a quill! To whom it may concern: it has come to my attention, that the her majesty the queen's royal physician...
On June 7, 1594, Dr. Rodrigo Lopes, a marrano from Portugal, accused of attempting to poison Queen Elizabeth I, was hanged, drawn, and quartered.
