Shirley Jackson

Shirley Jackson's surname might lead one to believe there's a remote connection to the tribe. Alas, a deep dive into her family tree reveals a distinct lack of menorahs. Born to decidedly gentile parents, she spent her life crafting tales of suburban dread, not ancient rites.

Her most famous work, "The Lottery," is a chilling exploration of conformity and violence, a far cry from any Talmudic debate. While the story itself is a masterpiece of psychological horror, there’s no hidden allegory for the Jewish experience, unless you count the existential dread of waiting for a deli number.

So, no, Shirley Jackson was not Jewish. She just liked to scare people. And she did it remarkably well, earning her a respectable "K" score for her literary achievements, even if she offers nothing in the "I" or "O" departments.