Snooki

Somewhere, under a bridge in Staten Island...

Papa Troll: I'm home, wife!

Mama Troll: How was your day, dear?

Papa: Just the pits! Where's that beer?

Mama: I scrounged four bottles today. Here, I mixed them for you.

Papa: (gulps down) You ask how my day was? My day was crap! Some of these people tried to cross the bridge...

Mama: What people?

Papa: You know WHAT people!

Mama: Oh...

Papa: They try to cross the bridge, and I say to them, I say pay the toll, and they try to jew me down!

Mama: Dear, you know they are like that...

Papa: Is there more beer?

Snooki enters.

Snooki: Hi, daddy! Hi, mommy! I got some exciting news!

Papa: You know what would be exciting news? Another fucking beer.

Snooki: Oh, daddy! The beer can wait! The test results finally came!

Papa: Let me guess. Chlamydia.

Mama: Dear...

Snooki: (laughs) No, daddy, those results are not for another week! This was my DNA test!

Papa: D-N-what? What kind of a disease is that?

Snooki: It's not a disease, daddy! You know I'm having a baby...

Papa: (mumbles) The spawn of Satan...

Snooki: And I wanted to find out what my heritance was! Here, read!

Papa Troll puts on reading glasses.

Papa: I can't make it out.

Snooki: I'll help you! See, it says I'm part Romani?

Papa: We call it I-talian.

Snooki: No, papa. Romani! I asked on the street corner. That means gypsy!

Papa: I'll be damned!

Snooki: And that's not all! Look here! I got some Asian in me!

Papa: (mumbles) You had some Asian in you last week...

Snooki: And here, look, I'm part Jew!

Papa: Let me see that! (grabs paper) Ashken-Nazi? What the fuck is Ashken-Nazi?

Snooki: I dunno, it's some Jew thing!

Papa: Some Jew thing? SOME JEW THING! I'm no fucking Jew! It must come from your side of the family, wife! No wonder you always defend them!

Mama: Snookums is adopted, dear.

Papa: Oh, right, I forgot. Now where the fuck is that beer?