Sybil Ludington

Alas, not every historical figure who displays bravery, gumption, and an uncanny ability to stay on a horse through the night turns out to be one of ours. Sybil Ludington, often dubbed the 'female Paul Revere' (a moniker we suspect she found endearing, but probably also a bit reductive), rode twice the distance of her male counterpart to rally troops. One might think such an overachiever would have to be Jewish, but history, in its stubborn way, says otherwise.

Her father, Colonel Henry Ludington, was a militiaman, and her ancestral lines appear to be firmly rooted in English Puritanism and other good, old-fashioned, decidedly non-kvelling Protestant stock. There's no hidden menorah in the family crest, no whispered tales of crypto-Jewish practices in the wilds of colonial New York. She was just a remarkably plucky young woman, which, while commendable, doesn't quite tick our boxes.

So, while we applaud her equestrian skills and her undeniable contribution to American independence, Sybil Ludington remains firmly in the 'Gentile' column. A shame, really; imagine the kvell she'd bring if she'd just had a great-great-great-grandparent who dabbled in Kabbalah. She truly deserved better.