Three Wise Men

Caspar: Well, I just talked to the night manager. They are out of rooms.

Balthazar: Out of rooms?

Caspar: The insurance salesman convention is in town.

Melchior: Did you tell him how wise and important we were?

Caspar: He said it didn't matter, we had to book in advance.

Balthazar: What do you mean, in advance?

Melchior: He probably just wanted to haggle. You know how these Jews like to haggle!

Balthazar: You didn't have to go there!

Melchior: Go where?

Caspar: Balthazar, Melchior, enough arguing. Let's face the facts. We don't have a place to stay.

Melchior: Did you try to slip him a 20?

Caspar: 20 what?

Melchior: You know, a 20.

Caspar: No, I don't know.

Melchior: 20 shekels!

Caspar: Why don't YOU try to slip him 20 shekels? Oh, I know, you don't have any money! Who goes on a long trip with just a bag of frankincense?

Melchior: A frankincense salesman!

Caspar: Then slip him a bag of frankincense!

Melchior: Oh come on, no one is gonna trade us a room for that...

Balthazar: Unless...

Melchior: Unless what?

Balthazar: We might not be able to stay in a hotel, but there is a manger nearby...

Caspar: A manger?

Balthazar: Yeah, a manger. You know, camels, sheep, and the like. Cows.

Caspar: You expect us to stay in the manger with... cows? I'm not a young man like you, Balthazar!

Balthazar: What, you have a better idea?

Melchior: Can't do the manger, I checked already. There is a young couple staying there. The woman is pregnant.

Balthazar: So what? It's a pretty big manger. We'll just push the cows out.

Caspar: And camels? And sheep?

Balthazar: We'll tie them outside. They'll be OK for one night.

Melchior: Are you not listening? The manger is already rented out!

Balthazar: Hear me out. We just need to pool our resources. Caspar, you have that bag of gold...

Caspar: I come all this way to see a nice Jewish dentist, and you want me to give up my gold?

Balthazar: Not the whole bag, damn it! And Melchior, you have that frankinstein...

Melchior: Frankincense.

Balthazar: Whatever. They make perfumes out of that, right? Women love perfumes!

Caspar: And what are you gonna pool with my gold and his... frankincense?

Balthazar: Myrrh.

Caspar: Come again?

Balthazar: Myrrh. It's like gum.

Caspar: You chew it?

Balthazar: Chew it, boil it, put it in medicine. Good stuff.

Caspar: Is that an African thing?

Balthazar: Did you have to go there?

Caspar: I'm just saying...

Balthazar: Who cares if it's an African thing! That will make it exotic. So, with my myrrh, your gold, and his... frankinbeans...

Melchior: Frankincense!

Caspar: Whatever!

Balthazar: We'll make them an offer they can't refuse.

Melchior: I doubt they'll take any offer. I told you, the woman is pregnant!

Balthazar: So what? It's not like she is gonna give birth tonight...

Melchior: What if she does?

Balthazar: Sheesh! We'll just deal with it! Oh, I know! We'll tell them the gifts are for the newborn! They must let us in then!

Caspar: This is crazy enough to work...

Balthazar: Of course, it's gonna work! Melchior, are you in?

Melchior: Fine, I'm in. What choice do I have?

Balthazar: Come on, Caspar!

Caspar: I'm coming, I'm coming. You know, I just love babies...

Balthazar: You love babies, he loves babies, we all love babies! Let's go!

Caspar: You know what would be a good name? Larry...

Balthazar: Fine, we'll tell them to name the baby Larry! Now hurry up! It's getting dark!