Tiffany Cohen

"With the East Germans shaving their backs, the Americans are heavy favorites."

This quote is from an early Simpsons episode, "Lisa's First Word", that flashes all the way back to 1984 (back then, Lisa was a child of the early 80s) and shows Homer (with hair!) watching the Olympics... specifically women's swimming. And you know, it's spot on.

Now, the Americans boycotted the previous games in 1980, but still: of the 33 individual women's swimming medals available, East Germany won 24! (And both relay golds, natch.) This included six podium sweeps. Pretty nasty! (And we don't mean the state of their backs.)

So having East Germany (and its obviously non-doping athletes) join the Soviet block of the LA games did open the door for American female swimmers, to the tune of 17 individual medals and two relay golds. When Simpsons get it right, they get it right.

That being said, we're here to defend the honor of Tiffany Cohen, and not only because she is Jewish. (OK, mostly because she is Jewish.) Tiffany, who won golds in the 400 and 800 meters, actually had the fastest times in the world entering the Olympics, bettering whatever hairy East German stood in her way! Both her medals earned Olympic records, so we would venture that she would have won even if those hirsute East Germans were competing.

"We should point out that many of the other women represent countries that don't have swimming pools."

We're not going to fact check that one...