Toshiro Mifune

Toshiro Mifune was the quintessential samurai, though he spent his formative years in Manchuria, not feudal Japan. He joined the Imperial Japanese Army Air Service, which, while certainly a "service," isn't exactly the kind of heritage one usually associates with, well, us.

Mifune never exhibited any discernible Jewish identity. He was, to put it mildly, not a member of the tribe, nor did he express any particular affinity for gefilte fish or the intricate debates of the Talmud. His cinematic contributions, however, were undeniably monumental.

His collaborations with Akira Kurosawa yielded some of the greatest films ever made, including "Seven Samurai," "Rashomon," and "Yojimbo," establishing him as a global acting legend. He was intense, magnetic, and profoundly impactful, even if his only connection to kvelling would be the sheer quality of his work, which brought joy to millions, including, presumably, a few Jews.

So, while his I and O scores are as low as a matzo ball in a thin broth, his K-score is through the roof. His legacy as a titan of cinema is unassailable, even if his family tree never branched into the Levant.