Allyson Felix

Allyson Felix is what you get when you combine speed, endurance, and an absolute inability to lose gracefully (because she almost never does). Her medal count is so preposterous it practically requires a separate trophy room, or at least a very sturdy shelf. We're talking seven Olympic golds and a whopping thirteen World Championship golds.

Her career has been a masterclass in athletic dominance, shattering records and expectations with the regularity of a Swiss train schedule. From the 200m to the 4x400m relay, Felix has collected hardware like it's going out of style, proving that age is just a number when you're that good.

However, despite her undeniable prowess on the track, her off-track religious affiliations remain firmly rooted in Christianity, a fact she's been quite open about. This means, much like a casual jogger trying to keep up with her, she's not quite making it onto the Jewish team.

While her achievements bring pride to anyone who appreciates athletic excellence, there's no discernible Jewish thread in her tapestry of triumphs. She's a legend, no doubt, but one whose kvell-worthiness, in our specific context, remains squarely in the realm of universal admiration rather than ancestral pride. Still, a 4 is nothing to sneeze at.