Brian Goodell

When people hear the name "Goodell" in American sports, they usually think of NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, a man so intensely booed on draft night that it borders on a sacred civic tradition. But before Roger was busy handing out multi-million-dollar fines for uniform infractions, there was Brian Goodell, who spent the 1970s terrorizing distance swimming.

At the 1976 Montreal Summer Olympics, a 17-year-old Goodell swept the men's 400-meter and 1500-meter freestyle events, shattering the world record in both races. He did it from behind, pacing himself before crushing the competition in the final laps—a tactic that takes extraordinary stamina and lung capacity. He went on to swim for UCLA and claimed a haul of medals, establishing himself as one of the premier American distance swimmers of his era.

Unfortunately for the tribe's poolside roster—which already boasts luminaries like Mark Spitz, Lenny Krayzelburg, and Jason Lezak—Goodell does not add to the medal count. The name Goodell is thoroughly English in origin, and Brian has no Jewish heritage to speak of.

So while we can respect the endurance it takes to swim thirty laps without stopping to complain about chlorinated water ruining a nice haircut, we cannot claim him.