Evelyn Glennie

Evelyn Glennie is a percussionist whose talent and tenacity have shattered conventional notions of deafness. Born in Scotland, she lost nearly all her hearing by the age of twelve. Instead of abandoning her musical aspirations, she learned to "hear" through vibrations in her body, particularly her feet, which is why she often performs barefoot. Take that, cochlear implants!

Glennie’s career is a testament to her extraordinary musicianship and her ability to transcend perceived limitations. She has collaborated with a who's who of classical and contemporary artists, released numerous albums, and even performed at the opening ceremony of the 2012 London Olympics. She’s essentially the Beethoven of percussion, only with more hair and without the grumpy old man vibe.

While her achievements are undeniably impressive, there's no indication of any Jewish background whatsoever. Her "kvell-worthiness" comes solely from her groundbreaking contributions to music and her inspiring story of overcoming adversity, not from any ancestral nachas.

So, while we applaud her rhythmic prowess and sensory genius, ethnically speaking, she’s about as Jewish as a haggis. Which, for the record, is not at all.