Simone Biles

Simone Biles is, by all accounts, not Jewish. Her family background does not suggest any Hebraic roots, and she has never indicated any personal identification with Judaism. We've checked, not because we expect every talented person to be Jewish, but because if she were, the kvell-factor would be off the charts.

However, Biles did attend a Catholic school and owns a rosary because she was adopted by her Catholic grandparents. So, if anything, she's leaning towards the other team. Still, we appreciate her dedication to something other than herself (that's right, we're talking about Catholicism, not gymnastics).

Her achievements in gymnastics are unmatched. Seriously, she's so good, it's almost unfair to other gymnasts. She flips, she twists, she lands – all with a smile that suggests she's just finished a light jog, not defied gravity multiple times. If only she'd done that for the Tribe, imagine the nachas!

Alas, not a Jew. But still, we can admire her unparalleled athletic prowess and wonder what she could do with a good hora. Probably a triple back layout with a full twist, while holding a challah.