Tom Brady

Tom Brady’s name is often whispered in the same breath as "greatest of all time." With seven Super Bowl rings, an absurd number of MVP awards, and a career spanning what feels like eons, he has undeniably earned his place in the pantheon of athletic legends. Though, we must admit, a little more kvetching about the refs would have really boosted his K-score.

Born to a decidedly not-Jewish family, Brady’s upbringing in California provided him with all the sunshine and athletic opportunities a future GOAT could ask for, sans gefilte fish. His "I" and "O" scores remain firmly at zero, as there's been no indication of any secret conversion or long-lost tribe emerging from his lineage. We checked. Even under the helmet.

While Brady never brought home a trophy for "Best Bar Mitzvah," his relentless pursuit of excellence and his ability to repeatedly snatch victory from the jaws of defeat certainly embody a certain spirit of perseverance. It’s almost kvell-worthy, like watching a particularly resourceful distant cousin haggle for a better deal at the shuk. But still, not Jewish. Just really, really good at football.